


Carry On

by Dokuhan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Coping, Denial, Drunkenness, Grief/Mourning, Heart Attacks, I'm Not Ashamed, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Rage, Tears, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wakes & Funerals, i'm not sorry at all, more pairings and characters as the story progresses, some are really minor and only in the background or slowly develop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3914449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dokuhan/pseuds/Dokuhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death wasn't something any of them thought about, they had plenty of other things to worry about. </p><p>When Death comes to your front door, though, it forces you to listen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out of Tuners

Shouyou scrunched up his nose as he pulled the hem of his t-shirt away from his face in disgust. Wiping the sweat away had sounded like a good idea in his head, but definitely didn’t work in practice - when the offending garment was already soaked and smelled absolutely awful.

Ever since their victory at the Spring High, Coach Ukai had been working them extra hard in order to prepare them for the next stage at Regionals. Day after day they were inundated with new practice techniques, information about teams from the neighboring prefectures (so far it looked like the school from Akita-kenwould be the one to watch out for, but Iwate-kenwas nothing to sniff at either), as well as their usual routine and schoolwork. It was a lot, but Ennoshita-senpai had seemed to take on the burden of making sure the first years, as well as Noya-san and Tanaka-san, kept up with their studies.

Despite everything, Shouyou loved it. Even if he did smell like sweaty cow shit by the end of the day.

That day in particular, though, would be one that stuck with him forever.

They had been rotating positions as they played against each other, with only Kageyama and Suga-san firmly in place on their respective sides of the net and Noya-san switching from side to side at Coach Ukai’s command. It was something or other about team building and flexibility, Shouyou hadn’t really been paying attention - all he knew was that it was something Yachi found online and then his thoughts kind of went elsewhere.

It had started off pretty well, for the most part, but after what felt like hours (it was actually a little under 45 minutes), Suga-san seemed to be losing focus. He zoned out a bit and stopped to rub between his eyes occasionally, and while they were all sweating like crazy, he was the only one that looked like all of the color had drained from his face. Daichi-san had asked him a few times if he was okay, and Suga-san just waved it off. It was only when he threw a toss towards Ennoshita-senpai and wound up beaning Yamaguchi in the head that their teacher told him to go sit on the sidelines.

Instead of arguing or telling the rest of them to do their best, Suga-san just nodded and walked over to the bench. He plopped down with a heavy sigh while Shimizu-senpai handed him a bottle of Pocari.

After a few more rotations, Coach Ukai called for them to take a break and they meandered their way over to the bench. Daichi-san took a seat next to Suga-san’s right while Tanaka-san sat to his left

Shouyou looked over the upperclassmen, and something just didn’t seem right. His breathing seemed really rapid and shallow, like he was struggling to fill his lungs. His hands shook a little, even though they were still holding onto the Pocari bottle, mostly untouched. Although he had been sitting on the bench for almost half an hour, the color hadn’t returned to his face and he was still covered in a sheen of sweat. ‘

“Hey, Suga-san,” Tanaka-san said, “don’t tell me you’ve been staying up all night studying and then coming to practice without sleeping.”

Suga-san shook his head, waving his hand in Tanaka-san’s general direction, “No, just...not feeling too well.”

Daichi-san frowned in concerned, “Drink some more, maybe we should get you some water instead.”

“It’s just my stomach probably, I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

Suga-san just made a noncommittal noise and closed his eyes, leaning down and pressing his forehead against his hands and the top of the bottle.

A few of them shared worried looks and Shouyou opened his mouth to ask if Suga-san should go to the nurse. Before he could do so though, Kinoshita-senpai stood up from his spot on the floor.

“Come on, Senpai,” he said as he walked over to his upperclassman on the bench, “I’ll walk you to the nurse.” He placed his hand on Suga-san’s shoulder.

And time just slowed down at that moment, like fate had decided that it needed to be burned into all of their memories for posterity.

Suga-san fell forward without a sound, his body falling almost like one of Natsu’s old rag dolls as it hit the floor with a loud _**bang**_. He didn’t get up, he didn’t even move. They stood there in silence.

Daichi-san sighed and moved onto his knees next to Suga-san, lightly shaking him. “Come on, don’t be a big baby about it. You probably just have the flu or something, she’ll probably just make you go home and sleep.” He didn’t move, so Daichi-san shook him again, “Suga… seriously, this isn’t funny. Get up and go to the nurse. Suga!” His shakes got a little more insistent, “Koushi, this is a really bad joke… please tell me it’s just a really bad joke. Get up.”

But he didn’t move from his spot on the floor, Daichi-san kept shaking and pleading with him, sounding almost desperate after a while.

Yamaguchi turned around, yelling, “Takeda-sensei! Coach Ukai!”

The adults ran over to them, Shimizu-senpai and Yachi trailing close behind.

“What happened?” Takeda-sensei asked, pushing his sleeves up and getting down onto the floor with the rest of the team. He flipped Suga-san onto his back, pressing two fingers to his neck.

Ennoshita-senpai pulled Daichi-san away, which was probably only as easy as it looked because the older teenager was already hyperventilating.

Takeda-sensei frowned, “No pulse, he’s not breathing. Shimizu-san, help me out.”

Coach Ukai looked over at the rest of them, “Narita, go get the nurse. Kageyama, grab my phone from my jacket and call for an ambulance. I’m going to grab the emergency defibrillator, the rest of you _stay out of the way._ ” Before they could ask any questions, he ran towards the gym’s storage room.

Everyone else moved around him, either to move out of their way or do what their Coach had asked of them, but Shouyou just found himself standing there. His knees wobbled a little and his hands felt weirdly numb. He felt rooted to his spot on the floor and he couldn’t even push himself up. His chest tightened and time seemed to be going both too fast and too slow for him to keep up.

Shouyou was suddenly pulled out of his stupor as two hands grabbed onto his shoulders, he whipped around probably just a little too fast and almost knocked the person behind him unconscious. Luckily Yachi had jumped away just in time. He noticed he was sitting on the floor, and wondered when he’d gotten into that position.

“Um…” she swallowed, obviously just as uncomfortable as he was, “Sawa-Sawamura-senpai is going to the hospital with Sensei. Coach Ukai went with them too. Azumane-senpai and Nishinoya-senpai said they were going to change and go too, and I think Tanaka-senpai is joining them. I don’t know if any of the others are but, they wanted me to tell you…”

He opened his mouth, trying to say something, anything. “ _Of course I'm going to go, Suga-san should have a lot of visitors when he wakes up!”_ or “ _Won’t it be funny if we all show up and it turns out Suga just has the flu,”_ but nothing came out.

Yachi just gave him a sympathetic look and asked, “Do you need help getting up?”

At least he could nod and answer that question.

* * *

To be quite honest, Shouyou had never been in a hospital before that day. His mom’s dad had died about a year before he was born and her mother was still really healthy, and even before the divorce they hadn’t been close to his dad’s parents. Natsu had been born at home (not by choice, it was complicated) and he didn’t think his own birth really counted. So hospitals had just never come up in his daily life.

He would have been perfectly happy to hold it off for a few more years.

Everyone from the team had come along in silent agreement, even Tsukishima! They took up way too much of the waiting room and the nurse at the front desk was probably annoyed about having a bunch of smelly teenage boys stinking up the place, but they didn’t make too much noise and gave up seats to people that actually needed them and just milled around as the clock ticked by.

Sometime before the team had arrived at the hospital, Suga-san’s parents had arrived and had requested that Daichi-san join them. Shouyou wasn’t exactly sure just how far their relationship went (he just knew that they had been seeing each other for a long time), but it had to mean something if they were close with each other’s parents.

A door opened and a nurse popped her head out, “Ukai-san? Takeda-san?”

Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei looked at each other, then to the rest of the team before making their way through the door the nurse had come through. It swung shut behind them.

The silence was killing him, but he couldn’t break it even if he tried.

Asahi-san, Noya-san, and Tanaka-san all shared concerned looks. Noya-san’s leg kept bouncing up-and-down, up-and-down. Asahi-san chewed at his bottom lip. Tanaka-san couldn’t seem to decide where to put his hands, moving them from running over his buzzcut, to the arm rests, to his lap, to his phone, and then back again.

Kinoshita-senpai sat in his seat, looking shell shocked. Occasionally he would mutter something under his breath like, “I didn’t push him,” or “he just fell over”.

Narita-senpai sat next to him, holding onto his hand and answering each mutter in the same tone, “we know you didn’t” or “we all saw what happened” and occasionally, “it’s not your fault”.

Ennoshita-senpai stood off on his own, occasionally looking at the door.

Tsukishima just looked like he didn’t even care, his headphones firmly planted over his ears. Shouyou suspected that Yamaguchi (who at least managed to look upset as he paced from the magazine rack to the water cooler and back) probably just dragged him along.

Shimizu-senpai and Yachi huddled around their phones, whatever they were doing a complete mystery.

Next to him Kageyama sat with his arms crossed, staring into the distance. His expression was unmoving and just as unreadable as always, but occasionally his eyes would flick ever so slightly towards the door and his eyebrows would scrunch up a bit.

Shouyou stretched his legs out in front of him and slid down in his seat. He tapped his feet together, and said, “He’s gonna be alright. Suga-san is going to be all right,” he planted his feet down firmly  “...isn’t he?”

Kageyama shifted in his seat and frowned, a few beats passed before he turned in Shouyou’s direction with his mouth halfway opened.

Before anything could be exchanged, the door swung open and everyone’s attention was on Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai. They both looked almost deflated, their shoulders sagging just a bit and their eyes slightly glazed over. Coach Ukai looked white as a sheet.

Tsukishima pulled off his headphones to hear what they had to say, so maybe he’d been wrong about Yamaguchi just dragging him along.

Their teacher cleared his throat. He opened his mouth, shut it, and ran his hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed, then brought his attention back to them. “Sugawara-kun...had an undiagnosed heart condition. They didn’t tell us exactly what it was, but his heart stopped when he fell, maybe even right before that. They were able to restart it for a while—”

“So he’s going to be okay?” Shouyou couldn’t help himself, because he just had to be. The adults probably just looked concerned because of how serious the situation had been, and maybe it meant Suga-san couldn’t play volleyball anymore. Takeda-sensei was just going to tell them to go home because they couldn’t go in to visit.

Asahi-san put a hand on his shoulder, “Hinata...please.” He nodded at Sensei to continue.

“They were able to restart his heart for a while in the ambulance...but it stopped again,” his voice got just a bit tight, and it was kind of obvious that he was using a lot of willpower to hold it together, “and they couldn’t start it again. Sugawara-kun is,” his voice cracked just a bit, “no longer with us.”

For the second time that day, Shouyou’s world slowed down - only this time it almost came to a complete stop. Nothing around him existed anymore, he was pretty sure that he heard Shimizu-senpai, Yachi, and even Asahi-san crying. Maybe Noya-san screaming angry words. Whatever it was though, just kind of faded into a low buzzing sound. His vision blurred and for a second he thought that meant he was going to faint or something, until he felt the tears drip out of his eyes and onto his legs.

Coach Ukai clasped his hands together and rubbed them against the lower half of his face, as if he was trying to maintain his own composure, “Practice is canceled tomorrow morning and afternoon, probably for the rest of the week too - I don’t know yet, that’s up to you kids. It’s not important right now.”

Takeda-sensei nodded, “If you need to take the next day or two off of school, please do. I’ll speak with the dean, and if he tries to give you any trouble, just come right to me and I’ll see what I can do.”

Shouyou wanted to say something, anything - a thank you, a question about just how Sensei was going to stand up to the dean, an accusation that this was just some terrible prank - he just wanted to be able to open his mouth and _talk._ But every time he tried, more tears would spill out of his eyes and trail their way down to his mouth. It was salty and gross and made him feel like a big baby. He thought of every single sad moment in his life and none of them could compare to the crushing feeling he felt at that very moment, and it just made him want to cry more.

He rubbed at his eyes uselessly. “ _It’s not fair!”_ was all that could run through his mind, “ _It’s not fair! It’s not fair! It’s. Not._ _ **Fair**_ _!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  I can't say I'm sorry at all~ 
> 
> Originally this was meant to be a fill for for an hqkink meme prompt: "one of the Karusano boys (except Tanaka) suddenly drops dead during practice from an undiagnosed heart problem", but as I started planning it out in my head and trying to write it, I realized just how much I wanted to write and how it wouldn't just impact these poor kids and everyone else just in the moment. Death is about coping and mourning as well, and just how you move on from it. So a lot of this story will be about that, and all the repercussions that go along with it. A lot of characters might not show up in this story, but they'll definitely be mentioned. 
> 
> It's been a while since I've done some hardxcore writing and I might have gotten some of the honorifics wrong since holy shit there's a metric fuckton of characters with different relationships. Let me know if you notice anything. 
> 
> In the meantime I'll be wringing my hands together and laughing as I write the next chapter.


	2. Wet Concrete

Daichi never thought of himself as a crier.

Sure, there had been times that he shed tears - like the ones of astonishment and pride when Shimizu revealed their fixed banner, or the ones fueled by anger and disappointment, like when they lost to Seijoh at the Inter-High - but he didn’t really consider that crying. Crying was something a lot more intense, it wracked your entire body and dried out your throat. When you cry, you wail and clench your fists until the all of the muscles in your arms and entire body hurt. Shedding tears just made your eyes red and your nose drippy, it wasn’t an experience like crying.

And so far, he wasn’t enjoying it at all.

When the doctor came into the small waiting area to speak to Suga’s parents, he’d initially given Daichi a quizzical look and asked why he was there. He understood completely, no one really suspected there was anything between the two of them unless they made a point of it and even then, it was probably weird to have some teenage boyfriend standing in the same room. But they were close and had good relationships with each other’s parents, and Suga’s especially adored him so it was only natural that they wanted to keep him close by.

Suga had been in the operating room since he arrived in the ambulance, so they hadn’t seen how bad he could possibly be. It only took the resigned, trying-way-too-hard-to-be-sympathetic look on the doctor’s face to realize it was _bad_.

He hadn’t made it. They’d restarted his heart once, and tried their damnedest to get it started again when it stopped at the hospital. A lot of other things came after that, “undiagnosed heart condition”, “ticking time bomb”, “nothing we could have done” - each one of them firing into him like one shot after the other.

Misaki-san, Suga’s mother, wailed grabbing onto her husband. His dad, Kaito-san, held onto her tightly and looked like he was trying his best to seem strong, asking the doctor what the next step was. 

And Daichi...he didn’t know what to do. He slunk back into one of the seats as his legs gave out on him, he might have even blacked out for a while because the next thing he knew, his own mother was leading him back to her car, stroking his hair and trying to say something, anything to soothe her son.But what could she say? There had been no way to prepare for this.

Somehow he managed to hold it together long enough to take his shoes off and walk into the house. He breezed past his youngest brother, and might have almost knocked over his other younger brother on the way up the stairs. He walked into his bedroom, closed the door...and immediately burst into tears.

He really meant it when he thought of crying as an experience. The minute the first tears pricked at the corner of his eyes, his nose was immediately clogged and the back of his throat burned. He fell to his knees and curled in on himself, he clenched his teeth as he tried not to scream, beg whatever god or higher being there was out there to wake him up from what had to be the worst nightmare of his life.

The muscles in his shoulders and stomach tensed, his jaw started to hurt - until he finally couldn’t gather the strength to keep it shut anymore. With each sob that poured out of his mouth, he wondered if his dignity was falling out with it. He knew he had the right to be upset, and it would be ridiculous if he wasn’t - but he was a 17-year-old boy. He shouldn’t be bursting into tears and crying like a giant baby.

But then again, he shouldn’t have to experience such a loss.

To Daichi, Suga had meant more than anything - and he wasn’t afraid to admit that. He’d felt it the first time when they caught each other’s eyes from across the net in junior high, and when they’d both gotten into Karasuno, it was supposed to be the start of a long future together. They were going to go to college together, live together, and maybe even grow old together. And instead it was all over in less than five years.

Just thinking about it made him cry harder. 

* * *

There really wasn’t much else to his night beyond crying. That was all he really felt like doing, and he wasn’t even sure if he stopped at any point before going to sleep. He didn’t eat, change his clothes, or even wash his face. 

He did vomit at one point, but that was only because the mucus in his nose got caught in his throat. It was really gross and made him feel like throwing up again, but he hadn’t had much at lunch during practice so there wasn’t really anything left in his stomach.

At some point, during the night, he’d managed to crawl into bed - his eyes heavy and sore and itchy - but he was pretty sure that was only because his tear ducts were completely dry. His whole body ached and his head swam, and lying down had probably been an instinctual act of self preservation rather than a choice. 

He wasn’t sure when exactly he fell asleep, but when Daichi had woken up it was almost noon the next day.

At first, he’d panicked - wondering why nobody had woken him up for school and scrambled for his phone, looking for his usual good-morning email from Suga and any follow ups asking where he was. But then the day before washed over him and he braced himself for more tears, even though his eyes were still too dry for anything to come out.

He sighed and laid back down, going through the emails he had missed the day before.

There was one from Kenji, his older brother, asking if he was okay and to call if he needed anything. Another two came from Kuroo and Bokuto, asking if what they’d heard was true and how it was even possible. Akaashi had sent one saying he was sorry for his loss and explained that Hinata had told Kenma, who told Kuroo, who told Bokuto, who told him. Michimiya had sent one as well, earlier that morning asking where he, Suga, and Asahi were - so he assumed that one came before the announcement at school and she hadn’t had the time to send another. The last was from his mother, explaining that she had let the school know he wouldn’t be in and that she left him something to eat.

He sent over a few quick replies, simple yesses to Kuroo and Bokuto and a thank you to Akaashi, followed by a more detailed one to his brother. He sent an email to Hinata, thanking him for telling Kenma because he knew he wouldn’t have had the foresight to let their friends know. He looked at Michimiya’s before closing his phone without sending anything, because what could he say? 

Eventually, hunger pangs and the disgusting feeling on his face and in his mouth got to him, so Daichi rolled out of bed. He cleaned himself up as best as he could and padded his way downstairs, into the kitchen. In the fridge he found a wrapped up bowl of rice and a couple of tuna slices along with a note from his mom.

**_You’re going to be okay. Drink lots of water. Dad is at the hospital today and I’m working at the clinic._ **

**_Call me if you need anything or if you want me to come home early. -Mom ♥_**  

Eating was easy, almost mechanical. He didn’t really taste anything and it didn’t really feel like anything was filling his stomach, but it was easy. His body still felt lethargic and disgusting, despite the hours he’d spent sleeping. Maybe he was always going to feel this way.

Another wave of sadness washed over him, he braced himself for another round of tears as his throat closed up.

Nothing. His eyes still felt too dry.

Daichi pushed the half eaten bowl away as his sadness turned into nausea. He wanted to email Suga, he wanted to whine about feeling sick and how he’d feel better if his boyfriend called to cheer him up. He wanted to call just to hear his voice. He wanted a do-over of every day before yesterday. 

His phone vibrated in his shorts and he almost didn’t pull it out. He figured it was probably his parents, or his brother, or maybe even Michimiya - no matter who it was, though, they would just keep calling until he answered.

He never expected to see Suga’s number on the ID. 

Daichi rushed to answer, wondering if maybe he’d just been super sick over the weekend and everything that happened was just a fever dream. A really bad, hyper realistic one, but still a dream. “Hello?”

“Daichi-kun?” Instead of Suga’s voice on the other side of the line, it was his father. He sounded tired, but of course he would.

“Kaito-jisan?” He still felt a little weird calling Suga’s parents by their first names, even though he had been for more than a year at their insistence.

“I wasn’t sure how else to reach you...Koushi’s phone was the only way…” he sighed and it sounded like he was taking off his glasses, “This may seem sudden, but Misaki and I wanted to talk to you. Is there any way you can come by today?” 

* * *

The Sugawara home wasn’t exactly far from his own, but it wasn’t that close either. He’d been there plenty of times, under much better circumstances, and would often spend the night. Suga had done the same when it came to his house. They could practically live in each other’s rooms with the amount of clothes that wound up split between the two residences.

At first he figured Kaito-jisan had wanted him to pick up his own things, so they wouldn’t get mixed up with Suga’s when they got packed away.

When Daichi walked into the house, Misaki-basan quickly made her way over and wrapped her arms around him, “Oh, Dai-chan…” she said softly, her eyes still a little wet. Her already salt-and-pepper hair looked like it had grayed more overnight and he was afraid if he hugged her back too tight she would shatter into a million pieces. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

He gently wrapped his arms around her, “I know…”

Suga was his parents’ only child and they didn’t have much extended family to speak of. His father had been orphaned as a child and actually spent most of his life in a Buddhist temple before meeting his wife. His mother’s parents had died while she was in university and her only sister had passed on quite a few years back. They had a hard time having children for years and were older than most parents when Suga was born.

He was everything to them, and in their eyes he could do no wrong (even though Suga didn’t have a single bad bone in his body). Daichi always thought he was lucky that they had accepted him so easily.

She gently led him over to the couch and sat close to him, holding his hands, “I know this is hard for you too.”

“Not as hard as it is for you, Misaki-basan.”

“Dai-chan…” she said softly, squeezing his hands, “you’re feeling a different kind of hurt than Kaito and I feel. It’s hard for both of us.”

And if his eyes weren’t being stupid and his tear ducts would just work again, he probably would have cried at that. Instead he nodded, “It just doesn’t feel real.” 

Kaito-jisan made his way into the room shortly afterwards, holding a bunch of papers in one hand, “Sorry, I had to make a phone call…” he clapped his hand on Daichi’s shoulder before sitting in the armchair next to them, “Thank you for coming on such short notice, Daichi-kun. It wouldn’t feel right talking about this over the phone.”

He nodded, not sure what else to say.

“Koushi told you about our family situation. Misaki and I don’t have any siblings, and any cousins on her side are very distant. This means the wake and the funeral is entirely in our hands. We’ve made some of the preparations, but...it’s just so overwhelming. I don’t even want to think about what we’ll have to go through during.” He looked Daichi in the eyes. “Daichi-kun, you were very important to Koushi, you made him so happy…” 

“He made me happy too, Kaito-jisan.” Daichi would have choked up a bit at that, but of course his eyes still weren’t cooperating.

“You’ve always been a member of this family, and we even hoped that in some way, some day - we could even call you ‘son’. There’s no real, easy way to put this, but…” Kaito-jisan paused as he most likely searched for the words, before just resigning himself to cutting to the chase, “we want you to be part of the process.”

“... You mean…?” 

“We understand if you don’t want to.” 

“No! No, I do…” he looked down at his feet, “It...it might make things easier for you and Misaki-basan…” she gripped his hands a little tighter when he mentioned her name, “Maybe for me too. I don’t know much about funerals, but, I want to do what I can.”

Suga’s father sighed with relief, “Thank you, Daichi-kun.” 

“When is the wake?” 

“The day after tomorrow.”

“Isn’t that a little…?” 

“Tomorrow is the second day on the Chinese calendar…” he actually smiled a bit at Daichi’s confused look, “‘pulling your friends along with you’. It’s not a good day for sad events.”

He still didn’t understand, but he nodded anyway, “Right.” He looked at the both of them, “Um...would you mind if...I left some of my things in Su-Koushi’s room. I should probably—”

“Of course, you don’t even have to ask.” Suga’s mother gently released his hands, “Take all of the time you need.” 

He couldn’t count the number of times he’d walked up the stairs to Suga’s room previously, but for the first time in a long time he felt like a stranger in the house. He noticed a lot of little things that he just... hadn’t over the years - the chipped paint on the part of the wall closest to the ceiling, a dent in the banister, a rough spot on the wood for the sixth step. Most times he’d gone up those same stairs, his focus had been somewhere else, now he had nothing else to pay attention to.

Suga’s door was wide open, and Daichi almost turned and walked away. Maybe it would feel way too final if he actually stepped through the threshold. He could come back another day, couldn’t he? After everything with the wake and funeral was said and done, or maybe when Suga’s parents decided to pack up the room. 

No, that was dumb. He needed to do this, for some reason. The open door tugged at his mind and he knew he wouldn’t stop thinking about it all day if he didn’t take the step forward. 

With a deep breath and closed eyes, he walked into Suga’s room - waiting for the obviously inevitable, crushing blow of emotions.

Nothing.

He opened his eyes, taking in the room around him - unchanged despite everything. Some clothes were piled in Suga’s desk chair, books piled at the foot of the bed, and his cat curled up next to the pillow. Daichi sighed and plopped down next to the cat, “Hey, Miso,” he mumbled as he scratched her head. 

Miso looked at him with intent, which was actually kind of funny because most of the time it seemed like she could barely stand to be around him. Suga used to say it was because she was jealous, Daichi was convinced it was because she could smell his dog all over his clothes. Miso pressed into his fingers a bit before stretching. 

“Were you waiting for Suga to come home?” Daichi asked, stroking his hand down her back, “You probably thought I stole him away again, huh? I wish that was true…” 

She looked over her shoulder at him. 

“I really, really wish that was true,” his throat ached as his voice cracked a little, “I wish Suga was there when I woke up this morning. I wish he was there to tell me how dumb my dream was, that eighteen year olds don’t die that suddenly. I wish he was here right now, telling me to leave you alone because you’ll just scratch my hand again. I wish—” 

A soft meow interrupted his rant. Daichi watched as Miso crawled into his lap, staring up at him with a look of understanding that just about broke his heart. Maybe she understood that Suga wasn’t coming back home, or she could just tell that he was sad, but any hatred this stupid cat seemed to have for Daichi just washed away in an instant. If only Suga could see them now… 

And just like that, the first tear fell and he rushed to wipe it away with his wrist. But then another one followed, and another, and another. His breath shuddered and his shoulders shook, and oh god, he couldn’t cry all day but now he was going to lose it all over again in Suga’s room. Suga’s parents were probably going to hear and Daichi wasn’t sure if he could take them crying too. 

He fell back onto the bed, biting his lip as he threw his arm over his eyes and tried his best to keep his cries silent.

Daichi was never really a crier, but for at least the next couple of days, he could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *brushes away dust* 
> 
> Look, I'm an adult with things to do okay? Plus I wanted to make sure this chapter was perfect. 
> 
> I wish I could go more into my headcanons for Daichi and Suga's parents and Daichi's siblings, I have to many. My stuff about Daichi's mom is the best. 
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner. 
> 
> (Also if someone could remind me what month Haikyuu!! is currently in that would be aces. I think it's September but I'm not totally sure, it could be October. I just need to know for future chapters.)


	3. Stay There

Sawamura was a dead man.

To say that Yui was a little irritated at that moment would be an understatement. On Friday morning, Sawamura had come to her classroom, begging to borrow her math book. Apparently he'd forgotten his at home, and he  _promised_  her that she would get it back early Monday, right after boys' volleyball team finished their morning practice.

What Sawamura had failed to mention is that the volleyball team didn't  _have_  practice that Monday - so she'd spent almost an hour waiting outside of their club room for absolutely nothing. And that wasn't even the half of it. After being snubbed by the clubrooms, she went to his classroom to see if he was even in yet, which he wasn't.

Worst of all, Sugawara-kun wasn't in either, and she had a striking hunch that the two of them had been canoodling all weekend and overslept. Typical. The two of them could go on-and-on about having to fit in studying and volleyball practice, but they still spent so much time together being totally gross.

…

Okay, it was actually kind of romantic and made Yui a little jealous that they could be so dedicated each other after going out for like, ever. But that was besides the point. She needed her math book and Sawamura wasn't there to return it.

She made a mental note to punch him in the face as soon as she saw him before moving onto the next classroom to see if Azumane-kun had math that day and if she could borrow his book if he didn't.

Weirdly enough, though, he wasn't there either - and when she asked one of his classmates, she had no idea where he was. Luckily she offered Yui her math book, since their class didn't have Math until after lunch.

She ran back to class, while sending Sawamura a  _strongly worded_  email, making it just before the teacher usually came in. She tucked the book away in her desk until it was needed and stretched her legs out. At least she could say she managed to fit her morning workout in with the run around Sawamura gave her, and she was so going to chew him out at lunch.

Soon enough, their Classic Literature teacher entered the room and their class rep lead them through the usual motions, but something didn't seem right. Oda-sensei was always quiet and refined, but at least he cracked a smile when he entered the classroom. Something about his air when he walked in just seemed off at that moment. He looked deep in thought and his mouth was in a tight line, and it made Yui wonder if the class had majorly fucked up sometime over the past week and they were going to get chewed out.

Instead he took his place behind the podium and placed his books down before asking, "I'm not sure how many of you know Sugawara-kun in class 3-4…"

Yui looked up, wondering what on Earth  _Sugawara_  could have done to have teachers talking about him. A couple of other people in the class quietly murmured, probably wondering the same thing.

"Unfortunately, the faculty has just been informed that Sugawara-kun passed away from a medical condition yesterday afternoon," he shifted his weight and rubbed the palms of his hands against each other, "we'll have details about the funeral service later today...and the school has provided a councillor for you to speak to during your lunch hour or after classes if you so wish."

The classroom was eerily silent, a chainsaw probably couldn't cut through the thickness in the atmosphere. The kids in the class that knew Sugawara were probably trying to hold back and the kids that didn't were probably shocked that someone so young could just suddenly be there one day and gone the next.

Quietly one of the boys in the class whispered, "Holy shit…"

Another girl leaned towards her friend, "Did you know him?"

"Not really, I think we talked once during the sports festival. He was a nice guy."

Someone asked if they could go to the bathroom, and with the way their voice warbled it was obvious they were pretty upset about the news.

But Yui...Yui wasn't exactly sure how to feel. Her and Sugawara weren't exactly best friends, but they knew each other okay. They only really hung out when Sawamura was around too, and their first meeting had been especially awkward. If Yui was a different kind of girl, they could have been sworn enemies vying for Sawamura's attention, but Sugawara was such a great person that she couldn't even be angry about him dating the boy she'd had a crush on since seventh grade.

If she had to be honest, she was more upset about what Sawamura was feeling right then. Was he okay? Was he there when it happened? Was this some long, horrible disease that he knew about for a long time coming, but didn't feel comfortable talking to her about? The questions just swam in her head and she wanted to ask, but she didn't know if Oda-sensei had any answers.

Even with the elephant in the room, Oda-sensei started class. He didn't bother to call out anybody that answered his questions less than enthusiastically. This understanding seemed to carry through to the other teachers as they entered the classroom. Their math teacher gently mentioned that class 3-4 had been especially subdued all day and how strange it was to see Sugawara's desk empty.

Time dragged on until lunch, and Yui felt too sick to even think about food. She dragged her feet to the other classroom so she could return the math book, before resolving herself to go down to the first year classrooms.

That was where she was going to find her answers.

* * *

 

When he woke up that morning Kei decided it was just a normal day. He got out of bed, washed his face, got dressed, ate his breakfast (even though for some reason his stomach would only let him get through half of it), and went off to school. Alone.

Yamaguchi wasn't at their usual meeting place, so he brushed it off. Kageyama and Hinata didn't come to bother him early in the morning to check their homework, thank god. Yachi-san was nowhere to be found, which was whatever. So what if all of the team decided to stay home? That didn't mean he had to too.

Sugawara-san was just his vice captain, they never talked much outside of school related things. They were never friends. Kei didn't have to care that he was gone.

He didn't. Okay? He could just continue as normal. He had classes to go to and the scaled back practices just meant he'd have more time to study and read.

Class was hard to focus on, but he was sure that was because he'd barely slept the night before and didn't eat enough. He was probably just getting sick, probably just a cold or something not serious enough to take up all of his attention.

But just in case, he wrote a reminder to ask him mom to schedule a doctor's appointment to make sure everything was okay. Only as a precaution. Really.

Everyone around him started shuffling around, snapping Kei back to attention. A few people pulled out bento while some walked out of the classroom. Since when had it become lunch? He'd  _never_ spaced out for hours just like that. He didn't even  _feel_ hungry. Maybe he really was sick.

He slid his chair back and stood up, figuring if he wasn't hungry yet he probably would be soon enough. He'd probably just get some bread from the school store before the basketball team took everything, because they always did that apparently. At least according to the captain and second years.

As he started to walk out of the door he bumped into someone. Looking down he noticed it was the third year on the girl's volleyball team the captain usually hung around with. Machimiya? Michimiya? One of those two.

She looked at him, probably expecting an apology, because she was his "senpai".

Kei rolled his eyes, "Yes?"

Machimiya or Michimiya huffed, crossing her arms, "Is this Sawamura Shuuichi's class?"

"Yes."

"...well is he here?"

Kei clicked his tongue and gestured in the vaguest of directions.

"Wow, thanks. You're  _such_ a big help." She pushed her away around him and looked around before spotting a boy towards the back of the class, "Ah! Shuu-kun!" without another word she walked over to his desk.

Admittedly, just a little bit of curiosity tugged at Kei's mind.

He'd only found out in the weeks before that Sawamura was actually the captain's younger brother - not that they looked that much alike. Plus the younger Sawamura didn't seem interested in athletics at all. They'd spent the entire school year not getting along in the slightest (especially after Sawamura called him, in direct quote "a massive dickhead" during gym class) and Kei was perfectly fine with that. He didn't need to be friends with his teammates and he certainly didn't need to be buddy-buddy with their family members.

Still, he wanted to know what a third year would want with him. Sure, Sawamura was popular with girls, but Kei  _highly doubted_  that popularity stretched out to the upperclassmen. He waited for his stomach to give him a signal, something that said "I'm hungry, so get me food", but it didn't come. Instead he slinked back to his desk, that just so happened to be within earshot, and placed his head down. There he only just so happened to hear some of their conversation.

"I heard in class...how's he doing…okay?" Machimiya or Michimiya whispered, probably talking about the captain

"It's terrible…" Sawamura answered back, "...crying all night...got sick...I dunno what's going to happen."

Kei's shoulders tensed a little bit and something tugged at his chest. He tried to push the feeling down, because obviously the captain would be beside himself. There was no reason for Kei to feel upset that he was upset, that would be dumb.

"Should I…and make sure he's okay?"

"No, he's probably...going to call later...not sure when he'll come back."

"Let me know if...feel awful...matching pair."

"Yeah, I know."

There was shifting, and Machimiya or Michimiya bid Sawamura a goodbye. She made her way out of the room and Sawamura sighed deeply. Kei didn't look up, but a tingly sense told him that his classmate probably looked more than a little upset at the conversation. And that's when Kei's stomach started to ache a little, but this time he didn't try to tell himself it was hunger.

Halfway through his next class, he asked the teacher if he could go to the nurse since he wasn't feeling well. Instead he made a beeline to the bathroom, shutting himself into one of the stalls before leaning against the door. He pulled his legs against his chest and leaned his forehead against his knees.

He didn't cry, and he would swear up and down that that was never the case, because what did he have to cry about? He and Sugawara had never been friends. They were just teammates. It didn't matter that Sugawara was gone and never coming back, because that's how it would be after graduation anyway. His death just meant that departure was a little earlier than expected. He wasn't going to shed tears when the other third years graduated, so there was no point in doing it now.

His face was only starting to feel damp because his stomach and throat really hurt. That was all.

He really should have just gotten lunch instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blows away cobwebs* 
> 
> This was...a hard chapter to write. Not so much for the content, but more so for the point of view. I don't write Tsukki much, and I have a very hard time when I do so. I had to portray a sense of faux-apathy, while still maintaining that he really DOES care - which is actually kind of hard. While everybody else on the team is more accepting of their grief, I figured Tsukki would be the one to insist that he's okay when he really isn't. I wanted to also portray that weak resolve starting to crack as he realizes, hey, he actually has some fucking empathy. 
> 
> Writing Yui was actually surprisingly easy. I like the idea of two people being acquaintances because of a mutual friend, so that's how I wanted to present her relationship to Suga. While she is upset about what has happened, obviously her first concern is going to be her friend, which is why she went to Daichi's younger brother (who I totally made up, because I can go on forever about my Sawamura family headcanon).


End file.
